For my Nan

I never weep, but weep for weeping’s sake.

Yesterday I baked a carrot cake.

Today the lady who held me tight when I was young, finally took her last deep sigh and was done. I’m ok, she was old and ready. She’d made her peace. It’s those that are left behind who worry me.

The 5th episode of Game of Thrones I’ve yet to see, it’s waiting for me. As I wait for the man to finish so we can melt together in the comfort of our arms.

10 days until we both depart this place, leaving now in our minds an empty space, too cluttered with all that’s left to be said, and done and had.

I met a man today I’d met before. He looked the same but different once more. He said words of inspiring things, and made my heart gladdened, my mind sing.

The two little ones now lay beside me done, their clothes all soiled and stinking, their bodies 2 but 1. Her earache causes no pain anymore, she tears around the house, and through the door. It is still mucky though, for how long I wonder, how long?

Tomorrow brings a brand new shoe, one that I must fit into. I scatter here, I tumble there, flitting in and out. All these hats I wear, all these balls I toss, all these things I see, through the veil of loss.

But truly I am cold to it all. My emotions have gone on vacation somewhere warm.Image

For my Nan, and our crazy huge family (this is but a small portion). You lived your 90 years with joy and love and humour. May the journey you now take be as sweet as you foretold.